Grizzly Grief

This bear had a very hard time shining today.  I was too sad.  But, you know, a flashlight can't shine if it's got a bunch of gunk blocking its light.  So, I let myself cry it out for the better part of the day.  I looked at some of my friends' journals on the caringbridge.com and cried some more.  I did the dishes and sang "At This Moment" (which is the saddest song I know) and cried.  Then I was exhausted from crying, so I took a walk outside.  And I realized that one of the bad things about missing someone is the change it has made in your life.  Now, I hate change.  I'm always wishing things could be as they were.  That's just one element of grief, but it seemed like one I could at least do something about, facing this fear of change.  And so I thought I would try adding a new Christmas tradition to my life, something I hadn't done before.  For me, it was snow ice cream.  It might be hard to believe, being in the mountains and all, but I'd never made snow ice cream, and my cubs had never had it.  Let me tell you:  it is awesome.  And it made me feel a little better.  I will always miss the old, but new isn't so very bad.  Wish I could have them both, but that's just not the way it works this side of heaven.  Here's some other new traditions you might try, if you've never done them:

• a Christmas plant like paperwhites or amarylis or any type of bulb really, or a Christmas cactus
• add Kwanza or Hanukkah traditions to your celebration 
• some other kind of food you might have never had; figgy pudding?  
• some new Christmas music - you can download some songs free at Target.com

If you are grieving or feeling abandoned at this time of year, know that you're not alone.  And you don't have to have someone die to be grieving for the loss of them in your life.  If things are really bad, reach out.  Find more tips here:  http://griefnet.org/library/coping.html